there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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