YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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