Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
