Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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