Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
