if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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