The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
