Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
