I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
