Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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