Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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