So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
