I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
