I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
this will be a night to untag.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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