I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
These tits shall not be calmed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
