whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize