ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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