i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
