the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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