don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
high people should be assigned attendants
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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