After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
