ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
