So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
