Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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