today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
