my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
