My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
