I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
