Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Rumble strips road head = magical
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
