the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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