I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
