I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
