Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There r osticjed everywhere
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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