Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
