You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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