I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
