I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
