I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
