I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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