Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
