the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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