I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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