Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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