oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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