SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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