First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
