I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nobody cheats on THIS.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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