FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You took a bar mat shot.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
