If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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