You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
