NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
