The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
