what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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