Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize