I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
