..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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