I wish I could teleport
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
