We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
