And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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