i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
