I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
