worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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