Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
