Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
