he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I want is dick and wine.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
