I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Text me some of your sweat
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
