billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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