my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
