I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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