I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
