my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
