I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I didn't notice because vodka
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
