I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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