is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
