All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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