I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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