My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i believe in u and ur pee
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
