im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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