john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
