i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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