I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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