I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize