i just google imaged poop.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
