i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sobbing to NWA
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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