she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
