his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
